PTSD

Why?

Every little bang.

Every last scream,

brings back the pain.

What I wish was a dream.

The memories come,

flooding my brain.

I try to stop some,

but I’m going insane.

No one knows

the pain that it causes.

But the shaking it shows,

as their breath slowly pauses.

Start

The struggle is real,
every day is a battle.
But I’m learning to feel,
and I’m finding it matters.

I’m starting out small,

nothing too crazy.

Trying not to fall,

even if it’s all hazy.

I’m falling apart,

but it’s just the beginning.

I’m ready to start,

I can’t wait for the ending.

Expectations

 So many expectations,

so little time.

Too many limitations.

To this, I ask why?

I don’t understand

The role I must play.

I often feel damned.

Is life just this way?

I wish people could see

The struggle inside.

Do they hear my plea?

Again, I ask why?

Me

 I love you,

But you don’t love me.

I make you my priority,

But you say my pain is a normality.

The damn cracks,

But they can’t see.

Cause the fights between you and me.

Fighting till I bleed.

How can I run,

With you holding my hand.

And whisper that you care for me.

All the while making me scream.

The damn broke,

And I did too.

As the realization came,

That you and I are one in the same.

What have I done

 Damn it.

I did it again.

Will there ever be an end?

I run,

Thinking I’m free.

But it ends when they point at me.

The fear comes,

And shuts everything out.

And my brain fills with nothing but doubt.

Am I insane?

What have I done?

Grandaddy

 

I wasn’t ready to lose you.

I don’t think I’ll ever be.

It’s so hard and it hurts,

you were so special to me.

But I know in my heart,

that it’ll be okay.

Because God has a plan,

and he showed you the way.

Your home is in Heaven,

as you watch from above.

I can’t wait to see you,

as we remember your love.

A memory so sweet,

so funny and kind.

I love you Grandaddy,

for now and all time.