He’s Dead

 He’s dead.

I don’t know how to feel.

It plays in my head on a reel.

I’m sick.

It feels so wrong.

I just can’t believe he’s gone.

I’m tired.

I don’t know why I tried.

I want to leave and hide.

I’m losing control.

I’m losing my head,

And it’s all because he’s dead.

Happy Thanksgiving

Why should I care,

When they don’t give a fuck.

Why should I even be here,

Cause honestly my life sucks.

Can I just go?

And leave the abuse?

Cause honestly,

I just feel used.

My day had been shining,

For the first time in years.

But I opened my mouth,

And it’s ending in tears.

Again and again,

They think that it’s fine.

But really,

All their doing is losing time.

Pushing me away,

Farther and farther.

They expect me to forgive,

But everyday it gets harder.

By the end of the day,

I’m honestly dying.

And all I have to say,

Is happy thanksgiving.

Saying Goodbye

Goodnight.

A simple phrase,

But a hope to those who receive it.

Goodbye.

A common saying,

But a message from one who is leaving.

These things,

So different yet so similar,

Loving one while hating the other.

But what if they come together?

Then, it is sad.

Bittersweet, for when spoken you never know 

when your goodnight,

Is your last

Goodbye.

Happy Birthday

I’m a year older now.

Nothing's really changed.

No special feeling,

No calling to go on.

Everything’s the same.

 Another new year,

One more closer to death.

Why do we celebrate?

Is such a thing happy or sad?

I don’t know.

The only I can say in this confusion is,

Happy birthday.

Life

When it happened,

I died a little bit more.

When the fighting started,

Life felt like a chore.

When the people started leaving,

I pushed them away.

When I was all alone,

I couldn’t feel the pain.

Why does this happen?

I can’t tell for sure.

Why is it me?

I guess life isn’t so pure.

So this is what happens,

This is what makes up,

What we call life.

Do You Care?

Do you care?

I know they don’t,

Even though they say they love me.

I feel so alone,

Because they left me behind.

Falling through the darkness,

I lost track of time.

Air flowing past me,

Leaving my body behind…..

….. until it stops….

Arms wrap around me in a comforting embrace,

While getting closer and whiling the tears from my face.

But I’m still scared.

I don’t know who to trust.

It’s a battle in my head,

That’s destroying my heart.

Questions needing answers.

I don’t know what to ask.

Who are you?

Are you safe?

Do you care?

Confused

Where am I?

Who are you?

Who am I?

Jumbled thoughts run through my head,

Right as I fall into my bed.

Getting further,

Coming closer.

Reality a sudden blur,

Fantasy an in between.

My mind is breaking at the seems.

Happiness and sadness all mixed up.

I’m not in control,

Neither are you.

All we can do,

Is be confused.

Im Sorry

I'm sorry.....

Sorry for not being perfect.

For not reaching that goal.

Sorry for messing up.

For being so sad that I broke my soul.

I'd try again harder,

but I don't think I can.

Cause the pain is too much,

with these tears on my hands.

I know I disappoint,

But I don't know how to change.

I know the answers are there,

but I'm to scared of the pain.

"Could you live without me?"

That's what I ask myself,

when I see no end in sight.

Could I get some help?

I want to know,

so that I can finally leave,

To say my last words.

To say, "goodbye."

To say, "Hello."

Tired

I'm tired,

and I don't know what to do.

I can't sleep,

and I just want to see you.

But I can't.......

Cause you don't care.

You left me in the dark.

and you have no heart to spare.

I continue on.

but I'm not really here.

I don't feel much,

but I do feel fear.

I fear being left alone,

so please don't leave me here.

So that I can be fine.

Or else I'll be gone.

Let me go

I laugh and smile like everyone else.

I drink and dance until I’m out.

I feel so good it’s like I’m high,

but really I’m dying inside.

None of this distracts my mind,

cause deep inside I know,

happiness is a fleeting thing.

So please, just let me go.

Waiting to be Saved

The ground gave way beneath me.

Soon I was out of sight.

As I fell beneath the rolling sea,

the darkness enveloped me.

Now covered in a blanket of shivering sorrow,

silent tears came from my eyes,

mixing with the salty water above me.

I fell unmoving, frozen,

as my breath slowly left me,

suffocating just below the surface.

I waited to be saved,

but I knew, no one would ever come.

Numb

The world blurs before me,

Full of sounds I don’t comprehend.

I’m in a daze as it lays ahead of me.

Surrounded in light and darkness every waking moment.

People say I’m incomplete.

That I need to choose a side.

That I need to care….

.. But ..

.. I don’t…

To care you need a heart.

Where mine is broken.

To care you need to love.

A thing which I have none.

To care you need to trust.

A thing that has been broken.

So..

I don’t care..

But I want to.

But how can one who is shattered care for one who is whole?

How can I care when all I feel is numb?

Dear Father

As I wait to give my last breath,

I look up into the heavens.

I see the smiling faces of those I thought I had lost.

My heart fills with love for those waiting for me.

My mind calms with peace because it’s almost over.

My body relaxes as it starts to give in.

Thank you for calling me home.

your daughter,

dear Father.

Once Upon a December Night

Once upon a December night,

A town wrapped in a blanket of snow.

a single light glows,

from a lamp post above.

Shining on a little shop below.

A shop owned by a little old man,

whose snowy white beard cascades down his front.

His fingers rough from use,

and eyes that crinkle from years of laughter.

As the man rocks in his chair,

the clock strikes twelve.

A soft knocking can be heard from the door.

He stands and opens it,

welcoming in the stranger with open arms.

A friendly air about him.

The man lit a fire and made some tea.

All in an attempt to share what little he had with the visiter.

They sat enjoying each others company for hours,

until at last it was time to retire.

The man slept soundly that night,

with a smile upon his lips.

His body and mind finally having reached peace.

As time went on,

his tale was told time and time again,

to anyone who would hear.

The tale of the little old man,

in his shop at the corner.

With the long white beard,

and his joyful eyes,

and the callused hands.

Who left nothing but kindness in his wake.

My Wish

The moon rises,

then sets.

Another day gone,

another week spent.

I sat waiting on my windowsill,

with golden eyes aglow.

My tail moved in pointless circles,

making shadows across the floor.

I'm watching for a shooting star,

to make my wish come true.

A wish to become a human.

A person just like you.

When a Childhood is Over

When you're a young little child,

who dreams all day long.

A small tiny child,

like the ones who believe in magic.

That's what you are, until you see,

the things that you shouldn't.

That's what happens when you grow up.

What’s left of that child is gone.

Reality takes over,

leaving behind a shell of a man.

A man that does nothing but work,

        eat,

              sleep,

                        repeat.

This is what happens,

when a childhood is over.